Today I heard the words that I shall remember forever. Malachite finally said it to me. The tone, volume, intonation–everything in the way he said it for the first time is etched in the deep corners of my brain. I can hear it play in my head exactly how he uttered them, and every time it makes me smile.
“I care so deeply about you. I love you, Celeste.”
Some days leading up to this day I’d been in restless chase to understand Malachite’s feeling towards me. I even had bluntly asked him how close he was to finally being in love with me. His actions and words, the way he treats me and cares for me, I could feel that his feelings for me have grown beyond mere fondness and have gotten too immense and intense that “I like you so much” could not even begin to encapsulate them. But who was I to venture into his feelings of ‘perhaps love’ when I’ve never been in love before!
One of the many exciting aspects in our relationship is the fact that we can be both qualified as “inexperienced.” I remember the time that I had just begun telling him that I like him–I was palpitating and my breaths were short and couldn’t keep up with the strength of emotions I was feeling. Since then Malachite teases me that he takes my breath away. He does. Literally. About two weeks ago when I caught measles and wasn’t feeling great, I was laying in bed and felt a strong desire to be cuddled by Malachite. It hit me when I closed my eyes that I’m falling in love with him. So in our voice call couple of hours later I told him that I needed to say an important matter and asked him if he was ready for it. Malachite asked me what it was, and I just let it out.“I think I’m falling for you,” I told him for the first time. “So…wait…are you falling for me or have you fallen for me,” he had to clarify. “I think I am falling in love with you,” I repeated; and I didn’t need to see him to know that he was smiling in that very instant.
That he had to clarify is very characteristic of us both. Malachite and I are very definite individuals, and we appreciate things that are either quantitative or have clearly defined meaning. Ambiguity is something we avoid as much as possible.
But love is not something you can measure or scale. It contains so much power that it’s beyond any spectrum. Love is the world’s greatest mystery.
From when we started talking Malachite has shown his care for me, as that is how he is as a person; but like I said I’d been feeling so much more in his ways. “Is he in love with me now or what,” I would ask myself in confusion. Then again, I rationalized, if he couldn’t utter it, it meant he still wasn’t feeling it. Malachite is a man of his words–he will not say something as important if he does not mean it. I would not want him to say it to me with a maybe-I-am-there-maybe-just close feeling either. I wanted to hear it when it felt right for him. Be that as it may I was a bit bothered. Perhaps because without these words and the special feeling they entail, there’s still lack of security in our relationship. His actions strongly suggested that he is there, so was he not saying it because he’s still a bit unsure of me? Days passed and I just left it–I resolved to myself to just wait for that beautiful moment that I will finally hear these words for the first time in a romantic sense.
And when I heard them today, it was indeed beautiful. My jaw dropped, and my heart skipped a beat. I’m not even exaggerating. There was a long silence in the line–I was lost for words.
So yes, Malachite has dropped the three big words. I’ve heard him tell it to me plenty of times since then, but it still elicits an unusual feeling deep in me. I cannot explain it. All I know is that I am happy. Malachite makes me happy.
P.S. Malachite, maybe you would want to share in our blog the exact moment you felt that the time was right? 😉