No more breakin’ up

Dear My Love,

I am watching you sleep right now. You turn to the other side and stretch your arms a bit, and as you do I kiss you three times, and say I Love You. You are fast asleep.

I am sure you got tired of our call last night. For the nth time I pushed you away and gave you a difficult time. On this occasion I really used the word “break up,” which has never happened before. You sobbed like a baby as you admitted, and I held myself back but cried from time to time. It broke my heart seeing you in pain, though I know I was the one causing it.

“We’re doing OK. We’re mature adults, not teenagers so there aren’t really a lot of drama,” I replied to a cousin who asked me how’s our relationship going three weeks ago. “We’re pretty balanced.” I added, unsure of what I really meant.

It’s true, there’s really not a lot of drama happening in our relationship, but it doesn’t mean it’s smooth sailing 100% of the time. We’ve encountered many challenges but we’ve faced them together, holding hands. I would push you away, and you would upset me–often unintentionally. Nevertheless whenever I try to get a panoramic view of the 10 months we’ve known each other, I see love and joy overwhelming few occasions of tears and frustrations.

You understand from my past experience why I have the tendency to push you away; but as you know by now, I really do not want you to leave me whenever I fall into this tendency. You know I don’t mean it whenever I do. You are a part of me now, and I need you more than I realize–how can I separate myself from my media naranja. And ultimately however hard I try to push you away, we always come back to each other’s arms and our love becomes stronger than ever.

I asked myself why we are having these challenges in our relationship. Why do we have to be physically separated with little means of visiting each other on a regular basis? But as soon as I asked I immediately offered myself an answer: God will not give us challenges we cannot handle.

You see not all individuals can commit to a relationship, to their partners. Otherwise divorce rates won’t be as high as they are now, or there will be zero adultery/concubinage cases filed on the courts. There won’t be mistresses, or “third party” issues. Commitment is a problem in many relationships, but it is not in ours. Distance is TCM’s challenge because cheating will never be. You are extremely devoted to me, and I am to you. We made a conscious decision to commit to each other. We even signed a contract! God will not give us challenges we cannot handle.

So my love, I promise not to ever attempt to “break up” with you again…not only because I know it will never actually happen but also because it pierces your genuinely loving heart deep and heavy. I want to protect your heart, not wound it. I will have my weak moments for sure, but I will also try to resist against my tendency. Past experience, habits, and inclinations are difficult to erase, but love transforms. I believe that.

I’ve always thought 1 Corinthians 13: 4-13 is beautiful…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

…but I grasp it deep into the soul more especially when I look at you. When I look at you, my whole being comprehends what love truly means; and I know you feel the same way too.

Thank you for saying that I changed you for the better. Thank you for sticking with and being patient of me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for understanding and knowing the depths of me. Thank you for committing to me, and for saying that I am yours forever. There are many things I want to thank you for, but most important of all I want thank you for loving me with all your heart.

I love you Sweetheart…with all my being, with all my heart. TCM always and forever.

 

Love ❤,

Your Present Girlfriend & Future Wife

 

 

 

 

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